So it's 9pm and I'm driving home from work in my trusty dusty Daewoo - even have time to pick up a box on Cinnabons on the way! (For the unawares; cinnamon rolls are the MOST AMAZING food ever created!! And you get the yummiest kind at Cinnabon)
So here I am driving home on a week night, the weather's nice so I switch off the ac (also cause I get a 6km/litre mileage with the ac but hey! who's counting right)
I'm about 20 minutes from home when it happens - and mind you there is no car, nope, not ONE car that can complete this feat but the Daewoo, trust me you - there is no car but a Daewoo that will "over heat" in the middle of the MONSOON!
So she stalls, right at a very busy red light - and this route i chose to take home today, is the dirty, shady part of town - my version of a short cut.
FACT ABOUT DELHI TRAFFIC - People will stop their cars, honk at you, scream at you, keep honking even though CLEARLY you've got your distress lights on and are trying to figure out whats happened to your car!
The will not navigate their car and move along, nope, offering help can only be extracted at gun point.
Back to being stuck at the red light in Jasola (with a beat up mall a km down the road, and i can see the "BTW" hoarding flashing and then i think of tikkis and chaat and gol guppas and contemplate abandoning my Daewoo for some papri chaat but i refrain, i'm on a diet after all)
PASSER BY 1 : OHO MAIIDUMMM KE HOVAAT HAII??
PASSER BY 2 : *whistles* GADDI KHARAB GADDI KHARAB, GHAR KAISE JAAYEGA AB
CO PASSENGER OF PASSER BY 2 : "HUM LE CHALAVAT HAIN"
:|
AND I DESPERATELY start dialing my folk to come get me or at least tell me how to fix it! And so they do, I try it all , from filling more paani/coolant, jump starting it, push starting it - even found a mechanic who could do shit with it either.
Then come along Skinny McSkinnerson and Creepy McCreepeson, managing to achieve smiling and mock concern simultaneously. With their gold chains and satin paisley shirts.
CREEPY - "HELLU MASELF DINESHH PANDAYE, I CAN SEE IT YOU ARE HAVE SOME CARS TROUBLE"
SKINNY - "YES WE SAW IT OURSELF"
CREEPY - "SHOULD I CALL MECHANIC. I HAVE MANY THINGS. I CAN GIVE YOU "
(i kid you not, they were yelling. Do i LOOK deaf?? :/)
Me- "Nai nai its okay, I know what the problem is plus my dad's on his way - he's the mechanic really"
SKINNY - "BUT DINESHH HAS EVERYTHING YOU NEED"
He then proceeds to give me the "dont upset Dinessss" look
Me - "No seriously , thank you very much, but my dad really should be coming any minute"
CREEPY - OKAY BUT IF YOU WANTING IT MODELING ALSO HERE IS MY CARD, YOU KIN CALL ME ANYTIME DAY OR LATE NITE ALSO"
and he shoves his card into my palm and they both hurry off thumping each other on the back for a successful interaction.
I wish i had kept that card.
Next thing I know, Im surrounded by 8 cops, the real tobacco chewing kind (wish we had donut eating cops in this country, the roads and walls would be a lot cleaner i say) asking me if I had been in an accident -
Following are the questions asked/statements made in quick succession -
"Where papers?"
"Do you have license?"
"When this happen? "
"Who hit?"
"Anyone kill?"
"Who call ambulance?"
"Where is doosri gaadi?"
"What you r hiding?"
"Lets go police station"
And this point I want to faint, I cant even pretend faint, cause I havent practiced it enough. Ugghh.
Friendly mechanic decides to try one last time and pushes the car while i try to start it - we figure the starter is jammed and that the radiator fan isn't working hence the car was over heating.
During this entire time I manage to accumulate an audience of 15 boys and men; all on their bikes either parked on the side of the road close by or standing about a foot from my car leaving no room to move and all of them just staring - they dont say anything just stare. And that how puts horrifying thoughts in my head! (incidentally I have the wildest imagination known to man)
Finally, my dad (secretly SUPERDAD) arrives and fixes everything in a jiffy! And gives our audience such a beautifully enacted verbal trashing that it brings tears to my eyes. :D i then drive home and i park my lovely daewoo in her garage, hand the keys over and vow to travel by public transport for the rest of my life.
Amen.
